Note to Self: I am Blessed

I’m really not trying to be dramatic, but this has been a challenging year. I literally started 2019 with my head in a bucket – so sick that I was in and out of the ER without any relief.

It turns out, many of my symptoms including severe nausea, headaches, and chronic back pain could be attributed to a congenital kidney issue that I had learned about in 2009.

Back then, when my doctor suggested surgery, I refused. Instead, I tried a holistic approach. But sometimes physical circumstances cannot be fixed without science and technology, and this was one of them.

In January, I had my first surgery. In September, I had my second. And two weeks ago today, I had my third (and hopefully final) surgery.

As soon as I got home from the hospital last week, with strict orders to rest, we had the Palisades Fire just a few miles to the West.

This week, it was the Getty Fire a few miles to the East.

Some of my family members had to evacuate their homes and some of them haven’t been able to return yet. Plus for the past week, the kids’ school has canceled and did I mention that our Nanny left for another family last month!?

So it’s been a lot.

It’s been so much that I had a moment of frustration and wrote on Facebook:

“This was a hard day, well, more like a tough week. Actually, it’s been a pretty rough month. Eh. Who am I kidding? This whole year has been a freakin’ sh*t show. Seriously, this has been a brutal but beautiful year. Such is life.”

I know, looking at it now, it kinda sounds like I’m complaining. But sometimes it’s ok to acknowledge that things are difficult.

Just like my latest instagram post with a quote from Alex Elle:

“Note to Self: Even on difficult days, I trust that I am blessed.”

I know that I am blessed.

I know that I have countless things to be grateful for.

I know that I am a survivor.

And yet, I’m still kinda having a hard time.